Saturday, October 5, 2013

one year ago

Today marks the one-year anniversary of my father's death. I spent as much of the day as I could pretending everything was okay, but did break down around 3pm. Luckily, I was able to pull it back together around 5pm for a pleasant evening. It's just hard. And that's all I really want to say about that.

Someone posted this reassuring article from the Baddass Breastfeeder in a mommy group I'm in today and I am so grateful. Poor Lydia. As the first child, she gets all the trial and error. She brings me new challenges every day that I am not always prepared to face. She has started mimicking the dramatic "Mooooooooooom!" that she hears on TV...or the playground. She is becoming well-versed in confrontation. She has lots of opinions and feels a need to share them...very regularly. She has also started with the "ca-ca" talk. Everything is about poop and pee and I am so over it. Most days end with us still hugging tightly and kissing before I tuck her into bed. Other days, I feel like I am a total failure as a mother. Reading this article allowed me to sigh a little, tiny sigh of relief. I am not alone. Just keep swimming.

Elliott spent Monday night in the hospital. It was so scary. It all started on Thursday when Lydia got sick. Jeff stayed home with her on Friday. She had laryngitis and complained of a sore throat. So much of that was (and still is) going around so I was not surprised. Sunday, Elliott started showing signs of sickness. I preemptively called into work for Monday. Sunday night was rough and I was concerned about his breathing. I couldn't get him into the doctor's until 2:30pm, which I KNEW was going to happen and I HATE bc you just sit around all day, not knowing what to do, waiting for your appt. They were even more concerned and sent us to the ER. I called Jeff. We spent 5 hours there before I left to take Lydia home. He ended up being admitted and Jeff spent the night with him. He was given a round of steroids, 2 nebulizer treatments, and x rays. The final diagnosis was croup, but he was missing a lot of the classic symptoms, so I just don't know. He's doing much better now but it was so scary and I felt like the worst mom ever.

Hey, have I mentioned that we started buying our meat directly from a local farm? We are trying to up our locavore status, HA! Yes, we should be vegetarians but we aren't. We are flexitarians but we definitely eat meat. I learned about this farm while working at luvaboos. They are incredible. They are not "certified" organic, but I have been to the farm - where they welcome visitors. They are 90% grassfed. The chickens roam around during the day and are only penned up at night. The cows have TONS of room. They don't inseminate the cows, they just let them mate as they want. It is a beautiful, small, clean farm and it is family run. The Gansz family is great. It is definitely how we want to spend our money. Oh, and the meat is delicious!